Imagine a homemaker sipping a cup of coffee on a relaxed mind at a weekend and surfing through Facebook. Some husbands might be respectful of her leisure time, but there will be many others who will have scant respect for this. For the latter group, an impatient reminder of the need for her to attend the household chores may follow anytime. If that reminder of the homemaker’s ‘duties’ is not heeded, often many angry words might follow in many households. And many women will feel some sort of compulsion to sacrifice their little ‘me time’ to fulfil the expectations of the family. Indeed, it may be fair to say that many homemakers in Bangladesh have to spend much more time on family chores than the office hours of a typical working person. Yet still, often her ‘me time’ will be frowned upon by many members of her family. Arguably, this is due to the fact that household chores are not really perceived as work and they are considered exclusively works to be done by the women, mostly ‘the mother’.
No matter what the husbands feel, because of the dominant norm of society, many might feel daunted to help contribute to the household chores lest they be considered as doing something unusual, something that is not for them to do. Just as Apu, in Tagore’s ‘Hoimonty’ was tormented by the pain of Hoimonty, he still could not ignore many norms of the society, a 20th century Bangladeshi husband may be constrained by the dominant norms and expectations of society. The idea of losing ‘manliness’ may prevent many husbands from engaging in sharing household chores. In many families, the other members of the family will do little to share the burden of the homemaker. Although little of the burden sharing could do a lot, that is often not visible. Or worse, in some cases, there is no or little appreciation for the household chores that a homemaker does. It is not that they need or aspire a lot. Some simple help or symbolic gestures, such as a cup of coffee from their spouses or other members of the family, may go a long way. Or, even a recognition of their toil in the form of a smile may be enough for them to feel happy.
One might think that when it comes to women with formal employment, the situation is fundamentally different. After all, often, they have to work as hard as their husbands and the expectations of their families from them may be different. However, we know that in many cases, that is not true. In many cases, their identity as ‘woman’ takes prominence, and professional identity gets lost or takes the back seat. While it is very much expected that working men will relax after working, often the ladies do not enjoy the same privilege. Thus, direct financial contribution to the family does not seem to play any important role regarding the perception regarding the perception about the roles of the women in the family. If this sort of strikingly disparate perception about the role of man and woman is not addressed, a truly equitable and prosperous society will likely remain a distant dream. Some frown upon this line of reasoning, arguing that women and men are biologically different and have completely different roles in the family. Despite their biological differences, there is no incontrovertible reason that household chores are or should be exclusively the domain of women.
What may we do? Just as charity begins at home, nurturing values that teach respect for the role of women and burden sharing for household chores should also start at the family. As parents, we need to teach our sons and daughters the importance of not treating certain household chores just as ladies’ jobs. Indeed, a family where men also engage in household chores should be a family of mutual respect and happiness. We already have a perception of undermining the role of menial work, which creates a lot of disrespect for the important roles played by those engaged in the menial works. A similar kind of lack of appreciation for household chores would perpetuate a lack of respect for the role played by wives in our families. We need to remember that household chores are for all in the family, not just the wives or women.
